feeling emo now... wats new rite? just attended jc's grandma's wake. din really noe the maternal grandma la... but quite close to the family... esp the paternal side since we used to stay in the same block. kind of surprise tt his grandma is a christian... for almost 20 yrs some more. nv expect leh since jc's family are all taoists. so i sat there for quite a while with him la... just the 2 of us... wat to do, 2 gou dat people who refuse to keep in contact with all the pri sch, sec sch, jc mates etc. was toking abt how his grandma suffered from diabetis den kana stroke yada yada... den suddenly reminded me of my grandma.

my grandma passed away a decade ago... also from diabetis. i was never close to her since i was brought up by my maternal ah ma. but i can still remember how she was tortured by the illness. she use to be quite plump... but eversince she became diabetic, she lost so much weight till we can see her bones. at the later part, she got her rotting left toe amputated, den the left foot, den the left lower leg... den the right lower leg. the disease just ate her away. and she was confined to bed day in day out cos she was too weak to even sit up. she struggled for 5 years and was relieved in the end. i still remember she was so scare that she couldnt 'walk' to reincarnate, she begged us to make a pair of artificial limbs for her.

i did not cry at the funeral. perhaps i was too young? or perhaps like wat my mum say... i'm cold blooded. i did not really missed her since i was not close to her at all. the only regret was she did not get to see me go thru uni and graduate. that according to her, was her greatest wish. funny thing was i dreamt of her 2 yrs or 3 yrs after she passed away. in that dream, i was lying on her lap and she was patting me. the dream was so so real. when i woke up in the middle of the nite, i started crying... sobbing so hard and loud. my parents were shocked. but eversince den, i nv dream of her again. father told me she has reincarnated. i think so too~